Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word
by underthegreensward
Summary: Caleb didn't get shot and Emily still doesn't talk to the girls.


Caleb is holding her. Her hands are shaking. There's a sound, but she doesn't know where it's coming from. Blood. There's blood on her hands, there's blood on her shirt, there's blood on the floor. The sound is still there. It's Emily, she's making that noise, she's crying and sobbing into Caleb's shoulder.

Paige. Emily pulls back. "Paige. Paige. Where's Paige?" Caleb looks at her and puts his hands on her shoulders. "She is fine. She told me I should run here to help you and that she'd be okay." Emily shrugs out of his grasp and runs down the stairs of the lighthouse. "Emily, wait!" She doesn't listen. She runs.

* * *

Storming into the room, Emily sees Paige sitting on the couch, trying to tear of the tape with her teeth. Emily rushes to her, throwing her arms around her. "Are you okay? Did he hurt you? I'm so sorry." Paige pushes her back slightly to look at her. "He didn't. Help me to get this off, please?" Emily looks at her still tied hands and kneels down in front of Paige. "Of course."

Her hands are shaking as tries to get rid off the tape. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." she says it over and over again, hands slipping off the tape, failing to help Paige. "I'm so sorry." And then, Paige's hands are free, grasping Emily's wrist and pulling her up into her arms. "Stop. It's not your fault." Emily hugs her closer. "It is. Everyone around me gets hurt." Before Paige can answer, Caleb bursts into the room, looking relieved when he sees them both. "I called the police, they're on their way."

They hear a car pulling up outside and seconds later the door opens a crack. Spencer walks in, her eyes going from Paige to Emily, to Emily's bloody hands, to Caleb, then the embrace Paige and Emily are sitting in. Hanna and Aria walk in behind her. "What happened?" She's met with silence and Emily's glare. Caleb steps closer to them and clears his throat. "Nate is dead." Emily feels Paige's grasp on her tighten. She closes her eyes and does the same.

* * *

She wants to disappear and take Paige with her. Spencer has dragged the others away from them, but some words float through the room to Emily and Paige. Words like "lighthouse", "knife", "blood" and "tied up". Her fingers twist in Paige's shirt, trying to get as close as possible.

Spencer walks over to them. "Emily, we need to talk." Nothing. "Em, please. I'm sorry." Emily just buries herself further into Paige.

* * *

The police arrives and asks one question after the other. Of course, they have to take them back to Rosewood. Emily never leaves Paige's side, never lets go of her hand.

* * *

But then she has to. She has to, because there are more questions she has to answer alone. She doesn't want to leave Paige with Spencer. She just wants to go home and hold her.

"Paige, please, we need to know what happened. Can you just tell us?" Spencer begs her. She wants to ignore them, it's just that she can't. She knows why they did what they did and she understands. Looking straight ahead, she answers them.

"Nate's real name was Lyndon. He stalked Maya and killed her because she left him for Emily. To get revenge, he planned killing me, to take something away from her, the way she did it to him with Maya. Emily tried to get help, but he ran after her. You can figure out the rest by yourself."

No one answers her. After a what seems to be an eternity, someone whispers "Thank you." Paige just nods.

When Emily comes back, they try to talk to her again and again, but she just sits down and holds Paige close to her. Eventually, they give up.

Waiting for their parents to pick them up, Paige and Emily still cuddling close to one another, Spencer, Aria and Hanna sit with them in silence.

* * *

Emily still isn't talking to her friends. Paige feels like she should be glad, because she has Emily to herself, but she isn't. She can't be, not with the dark circles under Emily's eyes, the anger and sadness that surrounds her. Lying on her bed with Emily's head on her shoulder, she buries her face in Emily's hair.

She can feel Emily's phone vibrating, but Emily ignores it, instead she just clears her throat and grips Paige's shirt tighter. "You need to forgive them at some point Em." Paige could swear she can actually hear Emily gritting her teeth as she sits up to look at Paige. "Not until they apologize properly." Sitting up as well, Paige reaches for Emily's hand.

"You need to give them a chance to do that." Emily pulls her hand away and scoots back a bit. "I don't get why you're not mad at them. They accused you of _killing_ someone." Trying to meet her gaze, Paige lays her hand on Emily's thigh. "I get where they come from. They did it because they want to protect you, just like I do."

Emily looks away, not answering. "You said it yourself: you can trust these girls with your life. I don't want you to lose them and I don't think you do either. They want what's best for you, but sometimes they don't know that it is. Give them another chance, Em. They are your best friends." Looking up again, Emily bites the inside of her mouth, her eyes watering.

"I know. I know. But they tried to break us up. They knew how happy you made me and they still tried. And I know they did it to help me, to keep me save, but they didn't trust me. I need them to apologize for that, because that hurt me more than anything else. Telling me they're sorry won't cut it and that's all they've done so far. I understand that you forgave them, although they never apologized to you, but I need a real apology from them, to me and to you."

Paige nods. "Okay. I understand that. Just... please talk to them, okay? I can't take seeing you sad and hurt anymore." Emily smiles and shuffles closer to Paige, pushing her onto her back. "I will, I promise." she whispers and seals it with a kiss before lying down again.

* * *

Spencer opens the door to see Paige and Emily standing in front of it, their hands clasped together tightly. She steps aside to let them in. "Hey." she greets them and gets a tentative smile from Paige and a nod from Emily, who drags Paige into the living room, where Hanna and Aria are already sitting. She doesn't sit down, she just crosses one arm over her chest, her other hand still firmly in Paige's, and nods at the other two.

Greeting Aria and Hanna with the same smile Spencer got and a whispered "Hi.", Paige sits down on the armrest of one of the couches. Spencer walks in and stands behind the couch Hanna and Aria occupy. Silence stretches through out the room. "If you're not going to say anything, I'm leaving." Emily says and stares intently at Spencer. Paige tugs their intertwined hands into her lap and squeezes them together.

And then it's Aria who speaks up. "We're sorry. You were right; A is tearing us apart. We should have trusted you. Because if we don't trust each other, there is no one else." Emily nods slowly but stays quiet. "I'm also sorry for everything I said and did to you, Paige. I should have listened to Emily." Spencer says, leaning onto the backrest. Paige is about to murmur "I understand.", but Emily digs her nails into her hand.

Finally, Hanna speaks as well. "We all are sorry. And we're not gonna let it happen again. Can we please make up now? I don't think I can handle another minute of this." Despite herself Emily smiles just the tiniest smile and nods her head once. "You weren't there for me when I needed you the most and you didn't trust me. I'm still angry and disappointed. That's not gonna disappear just like that."

Nobody knows how to react. Paige rubs circles into Emily's palm with her hand. Spencer looks like she doesn't know whether to be angry or sad. Hanna is fighting tears back and Aria forgets to breathe for a moment. "But I understand that we have to stay together, so we will." Paige squeezes her hand and Emily adds, barely audible, "I'm sorry for ignoring you for so long." Another squeeze. "And I miss you."

Hanna lets out a laugh and throws her arms around Emily. "We missed you too." Aria joins the hug. "Please, let us never fight like that again.", she says and looks at Spencer. "I was just trying to protect you...us." Hanna glares at her. "And I'll try to be less crazy.", she adds, embracing them as well. Paige is still holding Emily's hand, and when she tries to let go of it, so Emily can hug her friends back, she can't, because Emily doesn't let her.

The hug ends and everyone sits down, the mood lifted and things finally settled. Only Paige doesn't move, unsure about what's going to happen next. Flopping down next to her, Emily leans her head against Paige's waist, letting go of her hand and slings her arm around her instead. Paige lays her arm around Emily's shoulders, pulling her close.

Spencer leans forward in her seat, looking at Paige and Emily. "How did you know Ali?", she asks, staring intently at Paige. "Spencer! Really? We just talked about you being less... _you_." Emily protests. "Just leave her alo-" Spencer interrupts her. "I just want to know the truth, so no one can trick us into something again." Paige nods.

"She's right, Em." Looking up at Paige, there's nothing but concern in her eyes. "Are you sure? You don't have to." Paige squeezes her shoulder. "I want to. Fresh start, right?" she says, smiling at Emily. Nodding, Emily shifts even closer to Paige.

Turning to look at Spencer, Paige starts talking. "It started in ninth grade. Alison noticed I liked Emily before even I knew that I did, and she didn't like that. She tortured me. Verbally. At first, I put up with it, thought two could play that game." She snorts. "I was wrong. Alison was more than just cruel. She said she was going to tell my dad. She blackmailed me. I didn't know what to do. I was alone."

Her voice trembles and Emily can feel the hand on her shoulder shaking, so she lifts her own and tangles them together. Paige swallows and continues. "She had a letter. A letter that I wrote to Emily." Spencer nods knowingly, while Emily's brows scrunch together in confusion.

"And with that, she owned me. After that, nothing that she would do could've been worse than what I did to myself." She feels that she's about to cry. She doesn't want to so she stops again and looks away. Emily turns her head and kisses their intertwined hands. "I nearly killed myself. The only reason I didn't is that Alison would've gotten what she wanted."

She feels Emily's face pressing into her waist and her eyes burning with tears she doesn't want to cry. "That's what happened between me and Alison." And then, Hanna is hugging her. "I'm sorry." Paige doesn't know how to react, but she hugs back with her free arm.

When Hanna sits down again, Paige sees Spencer looking at her, ashamed, and Aria stares at the floor, wringing her hands together. "I'm so sorry.", Spencer whispers and Paige acknowledges it with a nod. "It's not your fault. I just wish you'd listened to me." They nod and Emily scoots away a bit to pull Paige down from the armrest and onto the couch.

And then they act like nothing ever happened. Like Paige always belonged there, with them. Aria starts talking about Ezra, and Emily leans into Paige, her hand in Paige's lap, and whispers "You're amazing. Thank you." She leaves a light kiss on Paige's cheek, pulling away slowly.

* * *

They walk to home hand in hand. "What did you thank me for earlier?" Paige asks when they stop in front of Emily's house. "For opening my eyes. I don't want to know how much longer I would've stayed mad at them, if it wasn't for you. And for putting up with all of this. For staying with me." Emily says and slips her other hand into Paige's.

Paige looks down for a short moment, then brings one hand up to brush Emily's hair behind her ear. Her hand lingers there and her eyes meet Emily's. "I'd be an idiot to leave you. Again. And if it means I get to be with you, I'll deal with seven more Spencers."

Smiling, Emily pulls Paige closer by her waist and kisses her. Kisses her with everything she feels, everything she has and gets back everything she needs. Paige's hands tangle in her hair and her own in Paige's jacket.

"You wanna stay over? My mom is out tonight." Paige laughs against her lips and nods. "Yeah, I know." She kisses Emily again. "You told me yesterday and my bag is already inside your room." Paige finishes with a kiss against Emily's forehead, before she drags her to the front door.

* * *

Sitting on her bed, Emily watches Paige unpack her stuff. Her face is scrunched up as she rummages through her bag, some things already scattered around her on the floor. "I could've sworn I threw my sleep shirt in there, but I can't find it." She keeps looking. "Paige?" Emily asks. "Hmm?" Paige answers, still distracted by the missing shirt.

"You never told me about the letter." Letting the bag fall to the floor, Paige looks at Emily with wide eyes. She stands up and walks over to sit in front of Emily. "Alison wrote me a letter, pretending it was from you. She tricked me into believing you liked me. So I wrote you a letter and Alison took it from me."

Emily leans forward to grab Paige's hands. "What did you write?" Her cheeks heating up, Paige looks down. "You don't have to tell me." She looks up again. "No, I want to. You deserve to know." She lifts Emily's hand and presses a kiss into the palm.

"I think I didn't know what it meant, but I know I've liked you since you said 'Good job, Paige!' after a meet. You had this big smile on your face and hugged me. And I just wanted to do that forever. So I wrote about how badly I wanted to kiss you. That I wanted to hold you. Touch you."

She trails one hand along Emily's thigh. "When I found out it wasn't you who wrote the letter, I was devastated. I thought I'd never get the chance to be close to you. To be with you." She smiles sadly. "And when I did, I messed it up. So this time I'm going to do everything I can to keep you close."

Emily pulls Paige to her, pressing their lips together. She needs Paige to know that she isn't going anywhere, that she feels the same way. Holding her as close as she can, Emily puts everything she feels into their kiss. When they break a part, Emily looks into Paige's eyes. "I wish I had known." Paige doesn't say anything, she just clings to her.

"Hey, about your shirt; you can just wear one of mine." She pauses for a second. "Or, you know, nothing." She feels laughter rumble through Paige and thinks that maybe, just maybe, things work out.


End file.
